4- Never come home smelling of other dogs. I will be checking your collar for slobber stains.
5- Let me get inside or outside of the house at my request, no matter how many times I’ve asked already.
I would do the same for you if I had opposable thumbs and you didn’t, okay?
6- I can sleep anywhere I want, whether it be my bed, your bed, or in your clean basket of laundry.